Marriage is one of the leading causes of divorce

I promised a couple posts ago that I would explain my "ex-husband"

Many moons ago, long before Designated Hitter and I were even dating (although we were sleeping together once in a while... don't ask) I met this guy, Opie.  He and I hit it off from day one

except we don't actually have shared jewelry

 

And we were inseparable for the 6 months I lived in that city.  (I moved 12 times in 6 years... no I'm not in the military)  We both have a similar sense of humor, we are both science nerds, and we just like hanging out together.

Opie gives the best back rubs this side of a spa.  Topless back rubs.  But topless back rubs were the absolute most sexual thing we ever did.  I'm kinda thinking I've never even kissed the guy on the mouth.  However, after we were no longer living in the same town, we started spending the night at each other's places when we'd visit... I had a queen size bed and when he was staying with me we'd both sleep in the same bed.  Non-sexual.  Possibly topless, but non-sexual.  One time I even got a pantsless back rub.  I don't know.  So the running joke became that we were husband and wife, because we did lots of things together and even slept in the same bed but we didn't have sex.  Which is like marriage.  Sort of.  Cliche marriage anyway.  Also, my real marriage, but that's another show.

Then Opie moved far far away, and I started dating Designated Hitter.  So the running joke became that we were then divorced.  Which went on for quite a while.  And became hilarious when one of his ex-girlfriends had a friend spy on him and I was over at his house one night and then the ex-girlfriend was all "soooo... who was at your house last night?" and he was all "my ex-wife" and she blew a gasket "YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU WERE MARRIED BEFORE!" and it was funny.

And now I've started calling him my boyfriend to a few people... because I normally only see him when Hitter is out of town.  Not because I'm cheating, but just because I have a lot more free time when the hubby isn't around monopolizing all my me-time.  So, Hitter goes out of town and I go over to my boyfriend's house.  Nice, huh?

This was kind of a terrible description.  It's way oversimplified, and doesn't do our friendship justice at all.  But this is supposed to be a funny blog so whatever.  Also I suck at being serious.  

Randomly unrelated: It seems that the Prom Queen has moved back into Buffalo Bill's house.  Like two weeks ago, and nobody told me.  *sigh*  I have mixed emotions.  My heart is glad they seem to be working things out, but my head just wonders how long it will last this time and if they're really fixing the issues or if they're just ignoring them.  Oh well, not my problem.  I mean kind of my problem, considering they're my family and all, but it's not directly my problem so I should just let it be.

With any luck this may be the end of the family insanity, at least as it relates to blog posts.  Let the hilarity and mayhem commence!  I need more breakfast-sugar.