Let's go Trap Shooting

That's me, as a mime, in a box.  I feel trapped.

I'm trapped in a somewhat miserable marriage.  Although right now I'm feeling a little less trapped because I've decided that Designated Hitter is less annoying than my idiot family, and he was really sweet to me last night.  History tells me that the sweetness won't last though, much like the sugary crystals on the outside of a sour gummy worm.  He keeps telling me he's turning over a new leaf.  I'm not holding my breath.

I'm trapped by my idiot family too.  But what can I do?  I can't just quit seeing them, and I definitely can't tell them they're all a bunch of fucktards.  So I'm trapped.

Everyone I know puts me down, and tells me they love me.  They insult me, and tell me they love me.  They humiliate me in public, and tell me they love me.

That was a lie, only the people that tell me they love me treat me like that.  My friends (who might say "love ya" but not in the husband or family kind of way) do not put me down or insult me or humiliate me or ridicule me or make me feel ashamed of myself.

I don't know what love is anymore.  And I am trapped by people who guilt me into saying that I love them.

I wish I could go into the Witness Protection Program.  When I say I want to disappear, I don't mean I just want to move away.  I mean I want to leave no trace.  There was a time, just a couple years ago, when I literally had over $600 in cash hiding in my closet, just in case I ever got to the point where I really had to get out and didn't want anyone to be able to find me for a while.  No paper trail, yanno.  Then Hitter got all nice, and I didn't see my family for a while, and I blew all $600 on myself.  I wish I had the money back.

I can't just move away but still have people know where I am.  Mostly I can't let my idiot family know where I am.  They'll hunt me down, and make life even worse for me if I try to get away.  And even though I'm currently feeling a little more friendly towards Hitter, I'm still trapped with the family because of him.  As long as I'm married to this man, I have to continue to see my family.  Dammit. 

I'm trapped.  And I wish I could start shooting people.  Don't worry, I won't really.  I just kinda wish I could.