www.stupidity.dum

Ha!  I found the snipping tool for one-click screenshots!  (and I have no life)

So I'm starting a new regular feature: stupid shit I find on the internet.  Don't expect it to be real regular. 

Item #1

So I want to see a black-and-white Bing Crosby movie about a priest and a nun and the Bible's Christmas story, and therefore I would like to see The Shawshank Redemption?!  Prison violence?  Seriously.

Item #2

Really, Netflix?  Really?!?  Because I watched a movie where the US got the shit bombed out of them and a crapload of people died and we got our asses sucked into World War II, you think I'll like MARMADUKE?!?!?  I don't even know what to say here.

Item #3 (no more Netflix, at least not today) Holy crap this is fuzzy, you don't have to read it, I'll kind of summarize below.

In a nutshell: a college football team is coming off a very lackluster season, lots of fans are disgruntled and/or losing interest, and now rumors are flying of massive recreational drug use on the team and a rash of suspensions to come.  Above is the announcement of the press conference to discuss this crap.  What does their website do?  Use this "exclusive access to the press conference" to try to sell an All-Access membership to the site!  Fucking brilliant!  Cuz I really wanna give a team a crapload of my hard-earned money so I can listen to the coach and AD babble about how their players are a bunch of coke-heads.

And then on top of that, it wasn't even exclusive access.  I watched the whole press conference live online on one of the local TV news channels' sites.  For free.  I guess what I'm saying is that the only thing dumber than the team's website using this scandal as a money-making opportunity, is anybody who was dumb enough to fall for it and whip out their credit card.

Although at least for now the rumors seem to have been blown WAY out of proportion.  And I admit that "my hard-earned money" is laughable... I haven't earned any money in like 3 years. 

Item #4

They're open 24 hours over two days?  Or they're in an alternate universe where there are 24 hours between 8 a.m. and 8 p.m.?  Or they aren't open the whole time between 8 a.m. and 8 p.m. so it ends up adding up to 24 hours total between Monday and Saturday and you have to guess which hours they're open?  I'm confused.

This one had a happy ending though, but it's a really long story so you should probably just quit reading here.  It is a lot more rampant stupidity though so I'm going to keep typing.  I have been wearing New Balance 609 shoes for YEARS.  I got my first pair long before Hitter and I were even dating, and we're closing in our 6th wedding anniversary.  Every 6 months to a year (depending on just how ambitious I've been at exercising) I'd go get a new pair... no worries, no effort, just get the exact same shoe and life was good.

And then it happened.  New Balance discontinued the 609.  And my life spiraled into a fiery pit of despair.  Not really, but I did have to put some thought into shoe shopping again and considering I'm not a very good female, I hate to shoe shop.  So... I went to the trusty internet and searched for "replacement for NB 609" and google said "get NB 623" and I'm all "thank you google!"  so I ordered shoes from the website (I've had bad luck with running all over the bi-county area to find a damned pair of shoes in stock) along with a pair of hiking shoes.  This was clear back in October... and I didn't open the box right away for some unfathomable reason.  And when I did... the hiking shoes were just right, the cross trainers were a freaking men's shoe!  I mean they said size 9 but they were significantly bigger than my feet.  So I'm all embarrassed that I was such a fucktard that I accidentally bought myself a men's shoe, and a bit pissy with NB that they didn't notice that I ordered two pairs of shoes in the same size but one was a women's and one was a men's but that was mostly cuz I wanted someone else to blame...

I procrastinated for about two months because I hate to ship things and didn't have a shipping box that a shoebox would fit in.  Finally I went "wait, I know there are New Balance stores, why don't I see if I can just return the shoes to the store?!"  so I go and sure enough, the guy is all "yep you can return them.  We won't pay for your shipping or anything, we'll just give you back the full retail price on the shoes..." and I looked at my receipt... the shoes had been on sale for 20% off and I got them with free shipping.  I started to say something and he kind of gave me a look like "seriously, don't make me do extra effort" so I shut up and then he asked if I'd just like to trade those in on the right shoes and I said sure I'd love to.  So he looks at the box and goes "wait, these are women's shoes" and I got even more confused and embarrassed, until he finally realized that the outside of the box said women's shoes but the shoes inside were men's.  And then he traded me straight-up for the shoes, even though the ones in the store weren't on 20% off sale.  It's like the shoes were paying me to take them!  Best shoe shopping trip EVER. 

I hope nobody is reading at this point, because seriously that was a dumb story.