www.stupidity.dum

Ha!  I found the snipping tool for one-click screenshots!  (and I have no life)

So I'm starting a new regular feature: stupid shit I find on the internet.  Don't expect it to be real regular. 

Item #1

So I want to see a black-and-white Bing Crosby movie about a priest and a nun and the Bible's Christmas story, and therefore I would like to see The Shawshank Redemption?!  Prison violence?  Seriously.

Item #2

Really, Netflix?  Really?!?  Because I watched a movie where the US got the shit bombed out of them and a crapload of people died and we got our asses sucked into World War II, you think I'll like MARMADUKE?!?!?  I don't even know what to say here.

Item #3 (no more Netflix, at least not today) Holy crap this is fuzzy, you don't have to read it, I'll kind of summarize below.

In a nutshell: a college football team is coming off a very lackluster season, lots of fans are disgruntled and/or losing interest, and now rumors are flying of massive recreational drug use on the team and a rash of suspensions to come.  Above is the announcement of the press conference to discuss this crap.  What does their website do?  Use this "exclusive access to the press conference" to try to sell an All-Access membership to the site!  Fucking brilliant!  Cuz I really wanna give a team a crapload of my hard-earned money so I can listen to the coach and AD babble about how their players are a bunch of coke-heads.

And then on top of that, it wasn't even exclusive access.  I watched the whole press conference live online on one of the local TV news channels' sites.  For free.  I guess what I'm saying is that the only thing dumber than the team's website using this scandal as a money-making opportunity, is anybody who was dumb enough to fall for it and whip out their credit card.

Although at least for now the rumors seem to have been blown WAY out of proportion.  And I admit that "my hard-earned money" is laughable... I haven't earned any money in like 3 years. 

Item #4

They're open 24 hours over two days?  Or they're in an alternate universe where there are 24 hours between 8 a.m. and 8 p.m.?  Or they aren't open the whole time between 8 a.m. and 8 p.m. so it ends up adding up to 24 hours total between Monday and Saturday and you have to guess which hours they're open?  I'm confused.

This one had a happy ending though, but it's a really long story so you should probably just quit reading here.  It is a lot more rampant stupidity though so I'm going to keep typing.  I have been wearing New Balance 609 shoes for YEARS.  I got my first pair long before Hitter and I were even dating, and we're closing in our 6th wedding anniversary.  Every 6 months to a year (depending on just how ambitious I've been at exercising) I'd go get a new pair... no worries, no effort, just get the exact same shoe and life was good.

And then it happened.  New Balance discontinued the 609.  And my life spiraled into a fiery pit of despair.  Not really, but I did have to put some thought into shoe shopping again and considering I'm not a very good female, I hate to shoe shop.  So... I went to the trusty internet and searched for "replacement for NB 609" and google said "get NB 623" and I'm all "thank you google!"  so I ordered shoes from the website (I've had bad luck with running all over the bi-county area to find a damned pair of shoes in stock) along with a pair of hiking shoes.  This was clear back in October... and I didn't open the box right away for some unfathomable reason.  And when I did... the hiking shoes were just right, the cross trainers were a freaking men's shoe!  I mean they said size 9 but they were significantly bigger than my feet.  So I'm all embarrassed that I was such a fucktard that I accidentally bought myself a men's shoe, and a bit pissy with NB that they didn't notice that I ordered two pairs of shoes in the same size but one was a women's and one was a men's but that was mostly cuz I wanted someone else to blame...

I procrastinated for about two months because I hate to ship things and didn't have a shipping box that a shoebox would fit in.  Finally I went "wait, I know there are New Balance stores, why don't I see if I can just return the shoes to the store?!"  so I go and sure enough, the guy is all "yep you can return them.  We won't pay for your shipping or anything, we'll just give you back the full retail price on the shoes..." and I looked at my receipt... the shoes had been on sale for 20% off and I got them with free shipping.  I started to say something and he kind of gave me a look like "seriously, don't make me do extra effort" so I shut up and then he asked if I'd just like to trade those in on the right shoes and I said sure I'd love to.  So he looks at the box and goes "wait, these are women's shoes" and I got even more confused and embarrassed, until he finally realized that the outside of the box said women's shoes but the shoes inside were men's.  And then he traded me straight-up for the shoes, even though the ones in the store weren't on 20% off sale.  It's like the shoes were paying me to take them!  Best shoe shopping trip EVER. 

I hope nobody is reading at this point, because seriously that was a dumb story.

It's all part of my Master Plan

The Master Life Plan has kind of taken on a life of its own.  The interesting thing for the first time in my life, when I tell people of a plan I've dreamed up, they've not only listened quite intently and been supportive, they've even had helpful advice and suggestions!  That NEVER happens to me.  Usually the best I can hope for is bewildered silence, but I really get criticism and mocking.

Go me!

It probably also helps that the people I've told do not include my family.  Idiots.  I'm not telling them until it's too late to change.  Heck I may never tell them.  No, seriously, can you divorce your family?  

I already discussed the helpfulness of two Best Friends in a previous post, and then this past week I went out with the ex-husband (or current boyfriend, depending on which version of the story you like) and he was full of even more support and helpful suggestions!  I found out I was pretty wrong about the Kelly Staffing Services company.  I always envisioned them as just placing like data entry and receptionist type people.  Nope, they have an entire scientific division.  And turns out there's an office right here in the city of Hillbilly Hell.  He said they're often looking for people to do just the random lab-rat work... and they get frustrated because the potential employees want to get Nobel-prize-winner's pay for lab-rat work.  Well that's not a problem with me, I really don't need much more pay than to cover the cost of the commute... and potentially any kind of dog-sitting for Muppy.

Plus then if it turns out that the job sucks, it'll just be a temporary position!

 That has potential.  I have a fear of commitment.

I haven't just been thinking either, I've been taking steps.  The first one I did all on my own was this past week I test-drove the commute to the place that's top of my list of potential full-time employers.  That may not seem like much, but I absolutely hate city commutes, so deciding if this one was acceptable was a big deal.  I told Hitter if I have to make that 2-hour drive every day, he's going to have to get me a new car or keep a chiropractor on retainer, because Marvin the Paranoid Car is a bit rough-riding for these hillbilly hell roads.  Other than the bumpity-bumps though, it really wasn't bad.  Yeah it's an hour long, but it's all through the country and no rush-hour traffic.  And I've never been one to shy away from a little driving.

Also Hitter has said he will talk to a guy he works with who has connections at the afore-mentioned top-of-the-list company to see if anyone would be willing to have a little chat with me and share with me what goes on there and what jobs might be available in the future and all that kind of insider info.  And last night Hitter went out with his friend I talked about yesterday and the friend is going to get me hooked up with the... umm... career counselors?... that they use at the corporate nightmare where Hitter and friend work.

Progress is slowly being made.  I still am no closer to knowing what I really want to do, and I'm still struggling with whether or not I really want to give up my free time.  I mean I really like being able to float in my pool all summer long!  And pack up and go visit friends without having to ask for vacation time.  And all that other fun stuff.  Plus I'm really feeling like I'll be abandoning Muppy.  I realize I can't put my life on hold for a dog, but at the same time he's 10 years old and won't be around much longer and has had a pretty rough life so I would really like to be able to make his remaining time happy.  And I'm not sure what I should do with him anyway if I were to go to work full-time.  He's an inside dog, he'd have a heart attack if I tried to leave him outside.  And I'm not likely to get a job that would pay well enough to justify day care every day (seriously, that shit is expensive)

So... that's my story.

I don't know if I've mentioned this before or not, but I have also pondered why exactly I sometimes am just crap-happy being a pampered housewife and sometimes I go into this dear-god-I-will-never-be-happy-without-a-job crisis.  I think I've at least mostly figured it out.  It happens to varying degrees almost every year shortly before Christmas, when I am dreading having to spend somewhere between 9 and 12 days living out of a suitcase and start pondering ways to get out of it.  While faking my own kidnapping would be a lot of fun, the responsible approach would be to have something respectable like a job that would require me to stick around here.  I mean the biggest reason the in-laws say they can't come here is because mother-in-law has to be at her job on Christmas day (church organist) so it seems like a job would be a good answer.  And the other is actually kind of related to that.  I start having these feelings that Hitter isn't respecting me and no matter what I do around here, it doesn't get better.  And since he is a corporate-ladder-climbing, power-hungry, money-grubbing dickhead, I figure the best way to get any respect from him would be to also have a job.

Which is actually kind of a terrible reason to get a job.

*sigh*

I think I just babbled with absolutely no point.  In fact, I think I kind of talked myself out of what I am talking myself into.  WTF, me?

So to make a long story short (too late!) my options are, in no particular order:

• get a full-time job, most likely at the place that is top-of-my-list
• get a part-time job
• get a temporary job, either full or part time
• go back to school (I'm still having fantasies about having an apartment at the college across the state, and completely expecting Hitter to NOT go for that)
• be content with being a pampered housewife

and I have been taking steps towards figuring out what I want to do.  So that's good.  And now, I have a headache so I think I'll go curl up on the couch and doze through a movie.

Winter!

Snow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Okay so my in-laws who live in Minnesoooooooooooota are less excited about this considering the roof-squashing amounts of snow they've gotten recently, but down here in this hillbilly hell it is a very exciting thing! 

pictured: the view out of my window

(just kidding)

...But Three Lefts Do!

A couple that Designated Hitter and I are friends with are divorcing.  Their divorce is going to turn me into an alcoholic.  They seem to be on a mission to spend every last dollar in their joint account before the divorce is filed.  Money is flowing out of that house like water.  (although why water is flowing out of the house remains a mystery.  you'd think that would be a major problem if your house is full of water)  And now the soon-to-be-ex-wife seems to think it's a brilliant idea to email me with ALL the gory details.

Anyway there's really no point in me making a post about this except that I had drawn this picture previously and it fits this situation quite nicely: