To Sleep, Perchance to Dream

Sleep is my favorite hobby.  Wait, is sleep a hobby?  Sleep is my favorite pasttime?  Activity?  (wait, activity?!?  really?  I don't think so) Whatever, this girl likes to sleep. 

Anyway, I've developed a bit of a problem since getting married.  Here is my favorite sleeping position:

Yes I do sleep under bedding, but that makes it kinda hard to see what's going on in the picture.  Don't argue with my art.  As for what's going on in that picture, I'm taking up an entire queen size bed because I sprawl when I'm sleeping.  It's all arms and legs everywhere!  And my grandpa (not The Corporal, the other grandpa) used to call me a windmill in a tornado.  Apparently I didn't just sprawl and stay there, I liked to flail those arms and legs around a lot. 

Now that we have a queen size in the guest room (used to be a double bed until it broke... don't ask) my second favorite sleeping position is:

it sucked when it was a double bed, because that really is pretty much the proper scale on size of Muppy and how much bed he takes up.  I apologize for the crappy drawing, I haven't mastered the fine art of Muppy drawings yet.  He kinda looks like a weird cow/horse hybrid.  In real life, he's a weird dog/cat hybrid, but that's a story for another day. 

Now for my least favorite sleeping position:

Now part of me wants to blame Hitter's stupid sleep number bed.  I have hated that thing since the day he bought it (also a very long story for another day... the short version is "whatever Hitter wants, Hitter gets, whether I agree with it or not) And another part of me wants to blame the fact that he refuses to let me have a TV in the bedroom... he claims he can't get to sleep if there's a TV on, even though when we're in a hotel he turns the TV on and sets the sleep timer and falls right to sleep, and almost every time we sit on the couch and watch TV together he falls asleep, but NOOOOOOOOO he can't sleep with a TV in the bedroom *eye roll*  (the reason I want a TV is because I have trouble turning my brain off at night, if I just lay in the dark and quiet I start thinking... and thinking... and everything bad or scary or evil or whatever starts spinning around in my head and then I really can't sleep, so I turn on something mind-numbing... TV when I'm sleeping alone, or I stuff the ear buds of my ipod in when I have to sleep with Hitter) (longest string of words in parentheses in history) 

Anyway, part of me also suspects that it's just the presence of him in bed with me.  Sometimes I'll wake up with his elbow in my back, a lot of times I wake up with no covers, he snores and Muppy doesn't...

I can't sprawl...

Oh, and back to the stupid sleep number bed, unless we have the stupid thing at pretty similar numbers, it's like we're playing a sleepy game of king of the mountain.  One of us is way up high, and the other is down in a valley.  Sleep number is especially stupid in queen size because if you like the bed firm, then you're essentially sleeping on top of one of those stability balls, and if you like the bed soft then you're in a hammock.  Because your air pocket for your side of the bed is literally smaller than a twin bed. 

The biggest problem is I can't just go sleep in the guest room, because oh heaven forbid!  If we don't sleep in the same bed every night, then we're going to get divorced!  Oh my! 

*eye roll*

Never mind the fact that a sleep-deprived-me is a lot more likely to want to leave him than a got-a-good-night-sleep-in-the-other-room-me. 

Men are stupid.  So are queen sized sleep number beds.