Hey Hallmark, I think you're missing something

The Corporal has a birthday coming up.  I'm still not quite over the way he and Prima Donna have acted through this whole deal with my li'l brother.  I had troubles back in May buying a Mother's Day card for Prima Donna without being all passive aggressive

 Inside: Too bad you aren't!  (not really, I just wish it said that)   

and now it seems that Hallmark is conspiring against me in my hunt for a birthday card for Corporal.

First, I went to Target (for other things, but conveniently they also have a card aisle) and there were only THREE Grandpa-Birthday cards.  One Jesus-freak card and two "you'we de bestest gwampa, I wuv u!" type little kid cards.  Okay I'm over 30 years old, so that eliminated the two little kid cards.  And when I saw the Jesus freak card I went "oh hell no!" which kind of explains itself. 

Next, off to the grocery store (once again for other things, but they also have a card aisle) and I got the same crap.  Seriously, do the card people think that we don't want to send our grandpas birthday cards?  Oh, and the even weirder thing is it was the same ratio of 1-Jesus-to-2-little-kid cards, but they weren't the same cards.

So I head to the Hallmark Store.  Guess what?  They had I think 6 Grandpa-Birthday cards.  A Jesus freak one, three little kid ones, and two that would be appropriate for someone of my age and religious beliefs.  One of those was all "you're so special and wonderful and you've taught us well and..." blah blah perfect crap.  And the other was pretty much

And I bought it.  And I mailed it.

And Hallmark sucks.